Only god chooses who will grow and how fast.
If you remain willing, you will grow.
Step 10 says we cease fighting anyone or anything.
The end of the entire instructions for all the steps, the very last sentence says we stop fighting, we have to.
All your answers are in the Big Book.
We stand up for ourselves by not arguing and also by not putting ourselves down and we be ourselves anyway, our True Selves, our Heart Selves.
We match calamity with serenity.
No, it is not easy.
We can't control another person, that's step 1 in Alanon.
Do you stay with him? I don't know the exact nature of the situation, but if he's a dry alcoholic, you could try what I suggested first if you want.