cookiesncream

I am truly sorry Iamthird. Sadly there are many that follow that path. I hurt for you and every ACOA whose stories I read that feel like they "weren't important enough" to stop drinking for. I realize that I risk revealing too much personal information here but years ago I relinquished a child (had nothing at all to due to alcohol). The pain and anguish I felt after that loss is not something I ever want to face again. I cannot face the loss of another child. No glass of wine is worth that to me. So I will soldier on. I will find new healthy ways of dealing fears of cancer recurrences rather than trying to numb the crap out of fear.

Somebody else asked about the test results. They were inconclusive. They saw a couple of weird spots on the CT scan they think are nothing but will continue to keep a watch and wait approach. Still scares me silly. Last time though I wound up in surgery to have what turned out to be benign and promptly checked myself into rehab days after surgery after drinking to numb fear for too long had turned into alcoholism. This time I white knuckled my way through that appointment, got home still exhausted because "inconclusive" gave me no peace of mind. This time though I held onto a picture of my daughter's baby picture, did NOT drink, and saw a new therapist that specializes in treating trauma and attended an AA alternative meeting last night. Slowly I'm making my way to greener pastures.

Sorry to have hijacked this thread AGAIN. Peoples suggestions to attend an Al Anon meeting in person are very good. Will need to find one that doesn't conflict with hubbies meetings. I've been told that those might be useful for me, even though I'm an AW, to deal with my own stresses of uncertainty, fear.

Thanks to all of you family members that tolerate so much from us. Each story I read of yours makes me cry. Thanks to for the kindness you have shown in this thread.

May peace ultimately find you and yours.