Interesting read so far. I am an A myself, but also an ACoA and was in a relationship before my drinking problem took off with someone who was addicted to chaos.
I am in recovery, 12 steps, and what I have found is that I wished I would have found it years ago. To deal with my parents, the abusive drinking father and the codependent hypochondriac mother. To deal with that relationship where I was clearly (only after I discovered what this even meant) codependent and strived to fix her despite the chaos and the horrible things she did and said.
Working a recovery program taught me to focus on me. If something bothers me, it is me. Sometimes I am reacting or thinking incorrectly. And sometimes, it isn't my cup of tea and I can establish a boundary. It is simple. It is beautiful.
I sometimes wonder too when I read some of these stories, why stay. So I try to offer insight on what I've been through or a kind word. I do the same with other As who struggle because that is what we do. But everyone has to learn in his or her own way.