Salutation Proclaimation
Ello! I'm new here and this site was recommended by my psychotherapist. I've been struggling with addiction for as long as I can remember, through various substances and outlets. My escape of choice was alcohol, followed by weed, pornography, and generally sitting on my ass all day stubbornly refusing to live. I've been through much psychological and physical abuse as a child which left me as an emotionless shell and have only begun to see how it has affected me in my adult life. That's not to say that's the reason I escaped, but I escaped because I did not want to face my ugliness (aka: my problems, myself). I am slowly learning to love myself again and have more integrity, be assertive and direct with people (escaping so much has warped me to be very passive-agressive), as well as love and empathize with others. It's a beautiful feeling, like floodgates of La Croix coconut water have opened up and refreshed me. It's been 2 weeks since I've abused a mind-altering substance (I still smoke an e-cigarette which helps a little). I relapsed and drank in early July. Before that I think I was a couple years alcohol free (I continued to smoke weed) and back and back and back to always the on and off again routine which I am incessantly sick of. I am now positive that I will never return to my self-destructive ways as I've found a new found confidence in myself to experience love and life again. I'm reading more, making music, writing, gardening and most importantly, self-reflecting and consciously being more self-aware. I've also lived with Diabetes (Type 1) for 22 years and I can't believe the stupidity of slowly wanting to kill myself over the years combined with this disease. I know it's the right choice to be here seeking continued support. Thank you!