Vintagedrummer, welcome to SR. I hope you find the help you're looking for here.
I guess I'm not quite clear on what you can't forgive yourself for. You state that you called her an alcoholic and she vehemently denied it. That's pretty much what they ALL do, and no big surprise to most around here. Do you think you were wrong to call her an alcoholic when she IS one?
You state that you wish you'd found Alanon and followed their principles of forgiving and accepting the situation sooner. Hmmm--are you saying you wish you'd found Alanon sooner b/c it would have allowed you to stay w/her? If her behavior was unacceptable and you weren't even married yet, how bad do you think it would have gotten in a year, 2, 5, 10, 20 (assuming she lived that long, brutal though it sounds)?
I just read your original post, and it sounds to me like both of you have a LOT of issues to work on before either one of you is relationship material. You received some good insights in that thread, and I hope you can take them to heart. It may not seem like it now, but I think you both received a gift--the gift of time to each figure out your own lives.
I'm glad that you did find Alanon and I hope, between that and SR, you are able to grow and find a healthier life w/happiness, peace and joy. It IS out there, and you'll get there if you try.
Wishing you clarity and strength in the days to come.