Hello and welcome SR, VDrummer.
I'm happy you found us but sad that you had too.
Well, I know it's hard but try to take it easy on yourself for now. When things get stirred up, emotions run soo strong.
I've been working on this stuff for over 6 years now with my AW (Alcoholic Wife). She went through therapy and relapsed many times. She is currently active. (Drinking)
I know that reading and posting helps alot. I see that you're already in Alanon. That is good. After 6 six years, I finally went last night. It was specifically a mens recovery program. The advice they all gave me as the newcomer was to go to at least 6 different meetings. Then decide which one fits you the best and just keep coming.
I wish you the best man. I was in your shoes once. I married that fiance. I have a wonderful son with my AW. My choices these days are exceptionally more difficult now than they would have been back then. That is honest 20/20.
Edit: The first thing I picked up around here was the 3 Cs.
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.