A year ago Dragoninthesky's post would have absolutely infuriated me. Now, I often find myself asking the same questions when I read people's shares here. Many us on the friends and family board DO have very unhealthy attachments to people who have shown over and over that they are not trustworthy, healthy partners. We think we can change them, we think we can fix them. And oh, the pain we put ourselves through before we finally accept that we can't. I think you hit the nail right on the head, Dragoninthesky.
I spent years in denial, trying to make things work, trying to fix my partner, doing everything I could to rewrite the simple fact that I had chosen badly when I chose my partner. But the truth is, you cannot rewrite reality. And trying to do so is called DENIAL. The past few months have been the best of my life because I have chosen to live in reality rather than in Denial Land. I finally broke up with my partner and started putting myself first.
Yes, Dragoninthesky's delivery could have been a bit more gentle, but speaking as someone who has been the codie in a relationship with an addict, I think sometimes we need to be shaken up a bit in order to wake up and see what's really happening in our lives. Think about this if you feel angry while you read his message. In my opinion as a recovering codie who has stepped away from the madness, he is absolutely 100% right.