Relapse going strong.
My BF will either go back to inpatient rehab or pack up his things and be on the street in a few days. He has no money so cannot get an apartment or a room or anything. I cried a little last night, but I've resigned myself to the fact there's nothing I can do. Hopefully his therapist can see him today and reinforce the idea of going back to rehab. Last night I asked him if he really wanted to go back to the drinking life and he said, "It's all I know." He was drunk so I hope he sees things differently in the sober light of day. Regardless of whether he chooses rehab or leaving our relationship is over.
I'm doing fine and am relieved that this will soon be over. I know there's nothing more I can do. It just breaks my heart that regardless of the strides he's made and all the work he's put in to furthering his art career, nothing has changed the self-loathing he feels. I know what that's like, and it sucks. He's an alcoholic but that does not make him a bad person. He is gentle and kind and funny and talented. He just has a problem that is ruining his life, and I won't let it ruin mine.
I have empathy for him but I cannot do this anymore. He's an adult and if he chooses to drink that's his right. I'm sure I will be more upset when he leaves but right now I am okay. Just kind of numb.
Thank you for listening.