Hollowhell just wanted to say I'm glad to know I'm not the only "A" reading this forum and reaching out to better understand "the other side." Hubbie is Schnappi who posted earlier. There isn't a day I don't read this forum reading through all the pain and anguish these folks suffer over here due to our bad behavior. I have no doubt that our s/o's are always always on edge wondering about a relapse given the horrible odds and that can't be easy. When I was attending an IOP (outpatient treatment) over and over again I heard people ask "how can I make my significant other trust me again?" Unfortunately there's no magic wand. We will gain trust (or not) based on our actions over time but that timeframe may take a VERY long time. We have to learn to accept and somehow come with our own peace in understanding that our damage will not be undone overnight, if ever.
An active addict is largely unavailable to our partners emotionally and that has got to be very difficult. As we learn to deal with life without the medicating effects of our addictions a lot of us get very very CRABBY. Going from a difficult addict to a sometimes WORSE person in recovery is got to be terribly painful. I admit to have screamed at a therapist three months into mine. I'm coming around and am starting to adapt to dealing with stresses without numbing them but no doubt it is HARD for our families as we do this.
In the end though we can acknowledge and accept the pain we've put them through. For me a relapse would mean being kicked out and that I do not want. However I also respect and think our families have the right to boundaries. We've put them through enough. Finding my own path in sobriety has faced its set of challenges and our significant others are likely often left puzzled by them. I'm trying to find my own path, trying different AA meetings, trying alternatives. I wish all all this wasn't all so hard.
I'm sorry I have now hijacked YOUR thread. I just think if we are addicts that truly care about our families we need to let them feel their pain and anger and bitterness. All I can say is on my side of things I am trying very very hard to read posts on this forum every day and do what I can NOT TO DO the same things or cause the same hurts. Whether I or any addict will ever be forgiven is out of our hands though. We work on our own recovery, acknowledge mistakes and try our best not to repeat them, and try as our own families do to make peace with ourselves.
Good luck. I'll continue to read this thread with interest. Again, sorry for my own hijacking.
Peace