It was the same for me. I drank a bottle to two bottles of wine most nights. Even though I felt like death the pull of buying wine every night was too hard to resist and even though I was getting fatter and sicker I just wanted to keep drinking. It really is insanity and the hard part is the first couple of weeks but it can be done. I never thought I could stop drinking, I thought I loved being drunk but I just loved being numb and checking out from everything. Drinking takes everything good away and shrinks your whole world into being numb or hungover. Do anything you can to stop, go and see a Dr it is so worth it I promise