What would happen if you fully accepted that you just can't drink? Take away the drug completely and a lot of your problems would likely go with it.
Easier said than done for sure. Not trying to trivialize a big struggle for you, and believe me I still get there at times too. But if I just don't drink, I don't act like a fool or hurt my loved ones, I don't blackout, I don't compromise my integrity...there are so many upsides to just not taking a drink.