He's Showing Signs and I'm Scared...
My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for almost two years now. I am 20 and he is 21. We have almost everything in common and he is not only my love, but also my best friend.
When we first met, he told me he drank. He was 19 and I 18 at the time. He said it wasn't excessive, but he also said he had a high tolerance. This concerned me at first, but it was never an issue in the beginning so I dismissed it.
We moved into an apartment November 2013. We had already had some issues of our own, but none ever about alcohol. Yes, he drank socially and sometimes to excess, but he never hit me, never treated me terribly, never did anything irresponsible while drinking. At the time, he was still underage and couldn't get his own alcohol, so he would have his mother get it for him. It always made me feel uncomfortable... He started drinking more and more and because he was never a "monster" when he drank, more of an obnoxious, happy-go-lucky person, it never really set off any alarms. That is until one particular night:
His younger cousin came over to stay with us for a few days. She was at the time 17. He went and had his mom buy two fifths of alcohol, his favorite and something he thought I would like. I've never been a huge fan of drinking so I didn't touch hardly any of it. Instead, after a few shots, he started encouraging his younger cousin to drink and she did! I was appalled... She wasn't drinking much, but enough to make herself a little drunk. I was so upset and disappointed... I pulled him aside and told him how I felt and he got angry. I told him he couldn't use his 17 year old cousin as a drinking buddy and he got pissed and kept telling me to "go to bed" and "leave him alone." Not even 2 hours into the night he had half way downed the bottle. He was being loud and obnoxious and it was about 2am. He was being super nice to his cousin, but when I would try to talk to him, he treated me like dirt... It got to the point where I didn't even want to be around him...
After that night, he didn't drink much. Then his 21st birthday rolled around... He assured me that he would be responsible and not drink too much. We were living in separate residences at the time due to reasons beyond our control so I had no choice but to trust him. Every time I'd talk to him on the phone, he was drinking a beer or something else. One of his friends he was living with told me he was buying a fifth once a week as his "friday treat." I confronted him about my concern and he said "I'm fine sweetheart, trust me. I wouldn't do anything irresponsible."
Due to more unfortunate circumstances, I had to move back home for a while and he's been staying with his aunt. We've been in a long-distance relationship for a little over two months and he's reassured me that he hasn't been drinking and that I had nothing to worry about. I was feeling so proud of him, especially seeing that he was in a stressful environment. That feeling went away as soon as I heard from his cousin that almost the whole time he's been there, he's been spending his money on alcohol and drinking almost every day. We've skyped almost every night after I got off work and he seemed perfectly fine. I suspected he had been drinking a few of the nights because of his tone and excessive excitement. He insisted that he hadn't been drinking at all. To hear from his family that he's been not only drinking, but drinking to excess and spending his last few pennies on alcohol scares me...
He has an addictive personality as it is and has a family history of alcoholism and I'm extremely worried that he's on the path to becoming an alcoholic himself... I Love him more than words can say, but I am concerned for our future if his alcohol dependency takes over his life... I don't know how to talk to him or what to say or do..... Any and all advice would be appreciated...