Originally Posted by
Thesouthern1 
Thank you so much for your reply, I havent really been able to go to meetings - I have two small children who wont be left anywhere without me, and to be honest I have given up on believing there is a higher power, if there was wouldnt they take this punishment away from me, I am a good person, I am just not strong enough to fight the bad addicted person in me
If you came here asking for help you are strong enough. And getting sober is about you taking action, not waiting for someone else or something else to do it for you. There are many alternatives to 12-step programs, seeing your doctor would be a great first step. You have to start doing the things you CAN do rather than listing the things you cannot. Regarding your children, I can say from personal experience that when you are drunk you aren't there for them anyway, as much as we like to think so. And the longer you wait the worse it gets.