Originally Posted by
Thesouthern1 
I have tried to change, I cant, it wont let me, it wants me, all of me and its breaking my heart. I want to feel healthy again, to loose the tirednes, heart palpitations, I want to remember the evenings with my husband, but it wont let me, addiction wont let me, this is me for what seems like life, a life sentance with an invisible ball and chain and I am devestated
You can change. You can be freed of the chains of addiction.
But you will have to stop putting barriers in front of your recovery...what you won't or can't do. Make sobriety your priority. It means getting the wine out of the frig and keeping it out. If that means finding child care, no matter how your children react, you do it. You sound desperate. So do what desperate people do--ANYTHING to get themselves out of their straits.