Thesouthern1

I really hate being an alcoholic, my addiction is strangling me and taking away everything from me, my health, my looks, my memory, my dignity and my sleep. Its like there is a whole other being inside of me, one who hates me and lives in my brain, it has such a strong voice, oh go on, every mummy drinks wine every night, its just one bottle, oh ok maybe 1 and a half, you deserve it, you give everything to everyone, nothing for you, this is for you, take it, take the first sip, you know you want too, and why when I find myself in the fridge with the cold bottle of chardonnay in my hand do I seem surprised? I have tried to change, I cant, it wont let me, it wants me, all of me and its breaking my heart. I want to feel healthy again, to loose the tirednes, heart palpitations, I want to remember the evenings with my husband, but it wont let me, addiction wont let me, this is me for what seems like life, a life sentance with an invisible ball and chain and I am devestated