Oh! You were soooo close to when things get so much easier and better!
Getting well into the second month was when my mind started to clear and my fears diminish. There is work to be done, that is certain - but if one person can do it, anyone can do it.
We all have feelings of shame and self-loathing. They do diminish and forgiving myself was the only option unless I wanted to die of this affliction.
As they say, "Don't give up before the miracle happens."