Red flags flying all around.
Lets start with recovery, no matter what recovery is about behavior. Just as addiction is about behavior and just because someone isn’t using doesn’t mean they are in recovery or well. He has red flags flying with his behavior, and it has to be that simple and you will have to find if this behavior is acceptable and if you may deserve better. I do think you deserve better and that his behavior is disrespectful.
It also isn’t your fault nor does it have to do with you. Don’t take it personal. Also you don’t have to define his behavior as meaning anything. He is an addict and this is what they do … a quick fix in easily obtainable outside of using a drug. It seems as if he has a lot more work to do, not only on the addiction side of things, but the codie side as well.
Do you even know who he really is? If you have been together for 7 years and he has been using for 10+ then how could you know what he is capable of, what is him and what isn’t … the heroin didn’t just appear. It goes back to the drug not being the issue/problem, the person is.
You also have red flags flying. Are you are partner or are you his moral compass, his mom, the police…
Drugs testing … I hate to burst your bubble but drug tests are easy to pass and one reason is most don’t pick up everything and if they aren’t using what you are specifically screening for there will be no positive. And unless you are sending it to a lab directly after you read the results there is no way to know if any result is real. He really is a grown man. And shouldn’t be treated as one. He doesn’t need you to save him or police him. He is more than capable of doing that.
Snooping also isn’t healthy. I am sure you knew something was up before you needed the proof. But did you really need that proof or did you just need to be able to trust in yourself and in what you were seeing as being real?
What can you do for you?
What behaviors are you displaying that aren’t healthy and keep you riding the crazy train?
Because when it comes down to it you can only save yourself. You can only insure that you have a good, peaceful, wonderful life … he won’t have much to do with that, ever. Nor is he responsible for your happiness and you aren’t for his.
It might be time to step back and find what you want. Work on you! Get some support for you and take care of you and stop worrying about if what you are doing or not doing has any baring on his behavior … because it doesn’t.
Take good care of you.