For some of us we fear the unfamiliar. What's going to happen? How am I going to deal with this? How do I cope? And because we are scared of the unfamiliar we flee back to the bottle. You had a good stretch. You sampled how good things can be when you don't drink. You had the flash of realization that "hey! It's midnight! I'm driving around and I'm not drunk!" For me those thoughts were scary and overwhelming at first and I drank to muffle them. Except when I was pregnant with my two kids I drank daily for a good fifteen years. It took time and practice to be comfortable with hearing those feelings in my head and not want to drink over them, good or bad feelings. They were just too intense.
You can change. I did. From a solitary drinker for so many years I don't drink. There are times when it seems too much but I sit and think about why I'm feeling that way. Maybe AA for support? Coming here? You have insight. You can use that to your benefit.