I didn't want to post this here before, because I wasn't sure of anything. Things happened, and I just freaked. It's kinda like have no expectations, no disappointment. Well I went out with someone, and I thought he would call that night, no big thing, it was an expectation of mine. Got over it. A few more things happened, and now he would like to talk to me, because we never did that, and he would like to know the real me.
Freaking out here because I still don't know who "me" is. He seems to be sincerely interested, but I don't know if I want to open up. It's not a red flag from him, it's a red flag from the past.
Sometimes I think I react a lot out of fear of rejection, and I really don't feel that is what he was doing, I think it was me. He tried to get in touch with me the next day, but I wanted nothing to do with it.
Can you tell my PTSD is hitting me.
He wants to take me on a picnic tomorrow so that we can just talk. and I am freaking out. I don't want to talk about me. I don't want to tell someone why I am the way I am. I just want to isolate again.
It's getting late, and I should be sleeping, but my voices in my head won't shut up, and that's why I came here.
It's just a picnic, and to talk, and then maybe a hike and I am freaking out because he wants to talk to get to know me better.
