I had a talk with my mom.. because I figured out this is a memory problem and I need to confront her about it now.. while she still has her faculties. So she got mad that I was not profusely thankful for her cleaning my house when I asked her 6 times not to. But..right in the middle of that conversation she asked me which house the children were going to the next day, then got off the phone. 2 minutes later she called me and asked me the same question. So I confronted her, told her i am not mad at her, but she has a memory problem and I am not the first person to notice it. I told her we have to talk about what kind of pad of paper she needs to bring with her wherever she goes and writes everything down. Somehow she got it because she realized I was right, she had just asked the same question 2 minutes before and she had forgotten that she asked it. So I guess she now knows that yes, sometimes people will have told you No a whole bunch of times and you will ignore it and forget it and they will be upset that you ignored their request and mowed over very very clear boundaries.
That is both a lifelong habit of hers and we are now adding some senior forgetfulness or possibly dementia to this. So now I need to find a group about how to deal with seniors who have dementia, forgetfulness and a co-dependent fix you agenda ... any ideas?