My partner has not chosen to stop drinking and certainly has gotten to the alcohol abuse stage if not full-blown alcoholism.
I was the main drinker in the family, but I have been sober nearly three years now with one short relapse last August.
My sobriety has certainly impacted my relationship in good and bad ways.
We get along much better and rarely fight since I had gotten to the aggressive / argumentative stage of drinking before I quit, so that's good.
On the other hand, we used to have many laughs and hang around having cocktails in the pool, mimosas with brunch, good beer cooking out, and those times are pretty much over now.
I don't enjoy being around while he is getting drunk, and from his perspective,
I have gotten really boring, with little sense of humor and no patience with dealing with him loaded.
My sobriety is my huge priority and I protect it pretty ruthlessly.
He wishes we could still hang out and have fun as we used to.
I wish he would try being sober and hanging out more but we don't
seem to do that much. I can't tell him not to drink, and though he
does try to be polite about it and has cut back, drinking equals relaxing for him.
So it is a difficult situation. Married nearly 20 years and still good friends, but the drinking split we now have is not easy.
I wish he would just quit and we could have a dry house.
That is a dream I have--focus on health and things utterly unrelated to
booze. But when we met and married, I did not have a "no booze" clause in our vows.
So how it will play out, I'm not sure. He has the same right to drink as I did.
I'm just trying to stay positive and work my own recovery, hoping he will find his
way out of the bottle as I did. He isn't in as deep yet, but I know better than most
that alcohol is progressive and it is progressing with him.
Sorry for the long post, but I guess the upshot of this is that yes, I do think having
a drinker and a "new" non-drinker in a marriage is a strain and the whole relationship
will need attention and support to grow in new healthy ways.
I do think this is possible or I wouldn't still be in my marriage, but it takes
hard work and time and sometimes I just wish I could be how I once was.
Laid back with a blender drink in the pool listening to rock and roll with my husband
having fun. Romantic as it sounds, I know it wouldn't end well.