BBTaco

Hi all, it has been 3 weeks today since my ABF has contacted me. To recap, he was very drunk and upset with me for not being at home (he beat someone up, I went out for a glass of wine to decompress, he stopped by to "surprise me"). I didn't hear from him, then ran into him in the street and he said "Stay the **** away from me". No idea what I did wrong.

I have contacted him, of course, as a co-dependent I have tried every trick to get him to reply ("I'm hurting", "come watch the cat", "do you wanna go to a show", "why didn't you say happy birthday", "do you love me", blah blah etc). I am going to Al-Anon and spending time on here, but I'm really struggling not calling or emailing or texting, and worried about him.

He coughs up blood and sh*ts blood (at least I don't have to constantly clean the bathroom now!). Also he is skinny and has a coke addiction. I know you are supposed to worry about yourself, not the A, but it has been so many years it's hard to not think/obsess about where he is, if he is OK, and why he won't talk to me.

He has disappeared in the past, sometimes for months at a time, but never while we were essentially living together. I am at once tempted to throw his things out, but I don't want to create more drama. I am tired of looking at my phone to see if he texted or called (I DID block him for a day...that was hard).

I guess several things...WHY do they disappear, and what do I do when he comes back (he always does, but I am always more scared that he WON'T)...? And am I enabling his behavior by contacting him? I'm sure that's what he wants anyway...the power/control.

Thanks!