Originally Posted by FeelingGreat

Windancer, nobody here is in a position to judge others i can assure you, and nobody's capable of getting you sober either.
It sounds like your BF and mother (!) are sabotaging you, which makes it very hard unless you are absolutely determined.
Because of your complicated relationship with your M, and your history of pill taking, it might be sensible to see a doctor to source medical advice and addiction counselling. If you're ashamed of telling the truth her, you might be ashamed of going to the doctor, but don't be. They love it when patients tell them the truth, and ask for help because it cuts through the BS. If you can't get the words out, write it down and give it to your doctor.
You really want to get clean and sober and having some support and back-up might help you resist those who want to sabotage you. Plus you can tell your mother you're acting on medical advice and you won't be accepting anything not prescribed for you.