I don't know when it happened, SoulSister -- except that it was sometime beyond seven months -- but eventually, I recoiled "as if from a hot flame" at the sight, smell, even thought of alcohol. I'm pretty sure that it had something to do with practicing the 12th step. While we get the joy of seeing those who walk the path, we also have humbling instances when we see those who stumble. I just picked one up from jail this morning, and another is drunk and creating her own new wreckage.
Good for you for coming here and voicing what's going on in your head. That's a very good thing. Perhaps that gets you through this rough spot, though I don't recommend only this as a means to continued sobriety. Nothing replaces looking another sober alcoholic in the eye. Sharing here can become a selective thing. Important stuff can be left out. Another drunk who's been where you are will see what you can't bring yourself to say.
I'll step off the soapbox now.
Peace & Love,
Sugah