Reading your op made me think of my ex, who was a binge drinker. I don't think your husband is "sober off and on" I think he is a binge drinker, which is just a different pattern of alcoholism. My ex has progressed to the point in his disease where he is drinking daily to the point of blackout/pants wetting/ etc.
As far as references, if you go to the home page for this forum, you will find the stickies at the top of the page. Those are a great resource, lots of helpful information.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a classic which is frequently recommended here.