Originally Posted by
makomago 
I haven't had cause to end a relationship recently. But historically, I was very much the same - all or nothing, I've stormed out of many relationships.
As I reflect on those incidents it seems to me that part of my problem was (trait 7) guilt feelings when I stand up for my self instead of giving in. This lead to me (erroneously) resenting that person and to avoid being abandoned I created situations whereby I could justify (erroneously) my feelings towards them and react badly and storm out.
Creating a 'stink' enabled me to feel a sense of self righteousness i.e. See look how bad they are (erroneous blame) and then not to feel bad about doing what I was doing.
More recently, with those I don't want a relationship with I don't have one. I simply leave it where it was and decline (nicely) invitations. That excludes 'love' relationships from this new found method as it simply hasn't come up in my life today.
Yes! You explained it better than I could. I'm working on the 'just not having them' thing. I'm learning who I can let in and who needs to be kept at arm's length. I babysat another friend's son this morning, but she came prepared and there were no surprises. He was into everything, but at 8:30am I couldn't care less. I work nights, so 8:30 might as well be 5am.
Thank you everyone for your points-of-view and support. I'm doing better at saying no and putting myself first, but as we all know, two years is a drop in the bucket compared to 28 years of dysfunction and chaos.