Audrey I self identify as an addict more so than an alcoholic. I was addicted to alcohol but through therapy and AA's 12 steps I am able to see my issues became much worse when I removed the drink and drugs. My addictions trace back to my early childhood years and even back then I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with life. By the time I took my first drink it was like a warm blanket covering me or a big hug. I found my calling - escaping through substances, not just behaviors, which I had done up till then.
When I hear a song that I like I will listen to it over and over and over again. I went skydiving to try it once, I went back up over and over again until I had no money. When I went to Las Vegas I would be up thousands at a table but could not pull myself away. In every aspect of my life when something feels good, I will hit the button over and over again - I am an addict. I am not going to change who I am at 40yrs old. I developed this way due to genetics and environmental impact. But by becoming more aware and by my living a program of simple steps I can recover from this hopeless state of mind and body.
I find it important to point out that I do not believe we go through this to live in a constant state of recovery. That is not a life I want for me. I can recover from this state if I maintain a lifestyle program that I adhere to, which includes daily journaling, prayer and meditation and working with others.