Originally Posted by
desypete 
i had no one left in my life to get sober for they all left me for dead and rightly so
i had nothing left in my life to get sober for as i lost it all
in the end there was just me left, i just couldnt carry on anymore i hated myself, i hated how my life was no a mere nothing of an existence
the only thing left i had to lose was my life i wanted to die and prayed to die just to go to sleep and never wake up again would of been the best way out for me
i ended up at the doors of aa with nothing
i dont know how people can give up for anyone or anything but i only wish i could of done and saved a lot of pain for others but this was to be my path and i guess i am lucky as i lived.
like i have said i do know plenty of people who turn up at aa and they keep there familys and jobs and money they dont have to go down that route so if there giving up to save them from it all then yes they can give up for other reasons than themselves
but for me i had to lose it all before i could ever have a chance of getting things back again like my kids etc
i can not turn the clocks back and sometimes i wish i could of saved my kids going into care or all the other bad things that happend in my life but i can not do anything about the past. i can only make sure it never happends again by staying sober and changing who i am
I rationalized not being an alcoholic and an addict by what worldly possessions I didn't loose. But I was suicidal with ideation almost daily. I had lost my soul and did not want to face the music.
In a way Desy, I feel we all get to the same spot, some loose people and things too but in the end we all need to get to the bottom inside of us where we say enough is enough.
To the OP, I rationalized my disease/disorder by comparing to others around me. This kept me active for longer than needed. There will always be someone worse and better to compare, its a trap I fell into. In the end when I realized thatI had lost me that is all I needed to begin.
By releasing my wife from the manipulative behaviors and my jaded delusion of control, our marriage is growing again. I find this just one of the many paradoxes in life.
Good luck.