GracieLou

I am listening and you have not paid me a dime. I care how you feel as everyone else that has responded to your post.

I hear a pity party going on but that is okay too, we all throw them.

I used to think I wanted to be alone. It was the only time I felt okay. Dealing with others was to much work. All that conversation and mumbo jumbo. "F" that. Just leave me to my own devices so I could watch my TV marathons with my dog and my cats. Who needs those people anyway? Just leave me alone. If I am alone I am okay!

I have found that is not the case at all. The reason I had no friends was because one, I pushed them all away and two because I was not being a friend. I took and took and took but never gave back. Call a friend just to ask how they are, Nope!. Offer to help a friend? Nope. Send a birthday card to a friend? Nope. Call and ask to get together for dinner or a movie? Nope. Nothing ever at anytime for any reason. I was extremely lazy when it came to keeping relationships alive.

Once I got sober and saw that I was really a selfish person in this regard I did make some small changes but I have come to the point that I don't really need everyday contact with people that I call my friends just as they do not need everyday contact with me. I am not living with them, they are not my SO, they are a friend.

I see many people at AA meetings that I call friends but I don't talk to them everyday. They are significant people in my life and I hope I am one in theirs but I also have my own life to live.

There are times I am alone, but I am not lonely. I am comfortable with myself which I never had when I was drinking. I drank to try and make myself comfortable whether it was in a room full of people or I was sitting alone on my couch.

I am the same person I was before but I look at things differently. My family did not change, my job did not change, my home did not change, I did.

You appear to have gotten tired of being sober because nothing changed, did you change?