Redatlanta you are right. Perhaps I was wrong in comparing alcoholism to diabetes. I was married to a diabetic and am divorced. I then dated an alcoholic. In some ways they had similar behaviors but you are right. An addiction has a different control over the addict. I guess I was trying to make a point that it is the addicts issue and we sometimes can make it our issue too? There is a fine line there. My A never chose recovery. I have drank with him but not excessively. If he were to go to AA and work a program, I would not drink around him. But if he chooses to drink and not work his program and I share some wine with a friend ...I still don't think I should feel bad. This is a tough one...not stupid just tough. Ivywild, you are gaining clarity with these situations. I'm sorry if my earlier post was minimizing the addict's need to drink.