Originally Posted by
TiredEnough 
Eyes, seriously, no lie, the longer you go without dope, the easier it gets. Just remember, it won't always be this hard. I promise you that.
I'm holding you to that promise
Originally Posted by
FT Eyes,
One other thing. Most of us who DID go back and use again found out to our dismay that you can NEVER get that "first high" back again. Not EVER. Your AV will try to convince you it is possible, but it isn't.
It goes back to biophysiology, once again. Because you have built up an abnormal number of opiate receptors, your tolerance level very very quickly rises back up to what you tolerated when you were at your highest doses. At first, it feels like you are back to "normal" and can take "normal" amounts of drug. This is a seriously scary misperception, and it sometimes leads to accidental overdoses.
I think you've been to that rodeo before, if I recall your history correctly. "You can never go home again" certainly applies to opiates. That "old familiar feeling" is an elusive one that can never be attained again.
I think you are ready to be a non-opiate user now, and I think you knew that when you quit this time around, too. You sorta knew this would happen, were wishing it wouldn't, and here you are again having some of the same bad feelings that caused you to use in the first place.
We're all here pulling for you, hoping you make the right choice. Seriously, keep helping others who also feel bad. It helps to know you aren't the only one who feels like this, who has ever felt like this. It feels so isolating and lonely and bad, and I completely understand it.
It might help you to go back and read Snowflake's thread, to see how he fell back into the pit. It just doesn't work. I haven't heard back from him, but I am very worried. You get to feeling like you know people on this forum, and it makes us very sad when one of us falls through the cracks, and we never get to find out the end of the story.
Your ending can be GREAT. Don't go away!
You are so right about that - I have been chasing that high for so long, geez I can remember getting a buzz off of half a 5mg percoset (just barely remember though, it was so long ago). So I just kept going up and up in dose, and looking back I was never worried about accidently OD'ing. Oh yeah, that wouldn't happen to me. I didn't even get that messed up, completely out of the realm of possibility. Now, with a clear head on my shoulders, it's crazy scary to think how
lucky I was. Yeah, I didn't get very messed up - because my darn tolerance was so high. I would take up to 15 30mgs pills a day, or 50 5/325s, or whatever I could get/had. It is a sobering thought (pun intended) that I am a prime candidate for exactly what you have described. I really am.
Another thing that has surprised me is how you remember the "good" feelings from the pills like it was yesterday, yet how quickly all that "bad" things that come along with addiction fade so quickly. I guess it's like how the workdays go so slow, yet the weekends fly by. I actually had to dig deep inside to remember all the crap, the reasons that I finally smartened up about. Because on the surface, I really started to believe again that the amount of money I spent was bad, and the amounts I was taking probably weren't good for me - but hey, I wasn't hurting anyone but myself. It wasn't so bad, what's the big deal. If the urges could go away as quickly as the "bad stuff"....well, if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, then I guess we'd all have a merry Christmas.
I followed Snowflake's story from the beginning, because there were a lot of similarities in our situations. And I still go back and re-read the threads now and again as a lot of the tools I put in to place for myself came from the great advice given to him by many members here. I had reached out to him as well, and we corresponded back and forth a couple of times and now I have not heard back in quite a while. I am concerned as well. I was really hoping and believing there would be a happy ending to that story - and I'm still hoping there will be one day, but I am worried as well. Thank you again for your support, and sharing your knowledge
