Eyes,
One other thing. Most of us who DID go back and use again found out to our dismay that you can NEVER get that "first high" back again. Not EVER. Your AV will try to convince you it is possible, but it isn't.
It goes back to biophysiology, once again. Because you have built up an abnormal number of opiate receptors, your tolerance level very very quickly rises back up to what you tolerated when you were at your highest doses. At first, it feels like you are back to "normal" and can take "normal" amounts of drug. This is a seriously scary misperception, and it sometimes leads to accidental overdoses.
I think you've been to that rodeo before, if I recall your history correctly. "You can never go home again" certainly applies to opiates. That "old familiar feeling" is an elusive one that can never be attained again.
I think you are ready to be a non-opiate user now, and I think you knew that when you quit this time around, too. You sorta knew this would happen, were wishing it wouldn't, and here you are again having some of the same bad feelings that caused you to use in the first place.
We're all here pulling for you, hoping you make the right choice. Seriously, keep helping others who also feel bad. It helps to know you aren't the only one who feels like this, who has ever felt like this. It feels so isolating and lonely and bad, and I completely understand it.
It might help you to go back and read Snowflake's thread, to see how he fell back into the pit. It just doesn't work. I haven't heard back from him, but I am very worried. You get to feeling like you know people on this forum, and it makes us very sad when one of us falls through the cracks, and we never get to find out the end of the story.
Your ending can be GREAT. Don't go away!