FT - that makes a lot of sense...I didn't really think to look at it from a physiological point of view. That helps a lot, actually, to make sense of it. Your words mean a lot to me - a lot. And I thank you for taking your time to stop and post, truly.
Today has just felt
so different, not the urges or struggling that I have had on one of the "bad" days. Just this complete and utter "I don't care" kind of feeling out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting it, and it definitely caused me a moment of pause. Just this all consuming black cloud of "so what" - not sure how to explain it, not something I had experienced up to now. And even though I know from the ups and downs that I have already experienced that these feelings likely will change - with this there has been this weird impending doom-like feeling that this was it, this was to be the new normal for me. That this particular feeling was some how different than the others, and no matter what I tried telling myself I wouldn't hear it.
Opio, as always, you hit the nail on the head. You have described some of the feelings in the words I could not find. And you are correct - on each point you made. Four and Wellness, thank you for your words and support
You all have no idea how powerful your words are to me. You have done the work, you have made the changes, you have survived through this, and so wise about this disease. This I needed - because this has been the one thing that really threw me off my game. It didn't make sense, and somehow you have been able to put it in to perspective for me. The feeling is still there, but I feel a bit better to hear it is "normal" because it sure does not feel like it is. That it is a part of the process. And most importantly, it gave me the push to say to myself, no - you will not give in. I truly thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.