Welcome Blondie!
I was also a wino. I love wine. It is my drink of choice but my usage had escalated to the point where a bottle a night was not enough.
And wine was what I 'tapered' off from. I found myself really depressed after the birth of my 3rd child. Postpartum depression is something I experienced after all 3 of my children were born. It's awful, you feel you are in a tunnel and can't breath.
I didn't drink after the first child. The doctor put me on antidepressants. I started after the 2nd child, I decided to "self-medicate" with booze. Heavy use for 2 years, but it was lots of vodka as I (barely) remember.
Then I quit for 5 years. Had a 3rd child and it started again. For 4 years. And I liked rum mostly (and gin and vodka). For 1.5-2 years. Then I switched to wine and cut out the hard liquor, thinking that was an improvement.
Anyhow, I am on Day 12.
I did a lot of "reward" drinking. I took the kids here or I finished that...time for a drink.
But I also drank when anything stressful happened. So I pretty much had an excuse to drink for anything.
When I returned from the mall with kids, I always rewarded myself with a drink.
It's been hard because, especially in the first week, what I was missing was a drink in my hand.
It felt like something was missing.
I had withdrawal, surprisingly worse than I thought it would be, for 3 days. Night sweats. Fluctuating HR and BP for the first week. Now I feel fine.
I also had some detox breakouts but they are going away. Especially the neck area which I guess is the liver detoxing.
Somehow I managed a short Disneyland vacation with no drinking and a plane flight last night where the pilot announced, that because the co-pilot was late causing our plane to leave late, he said all alcohol was free! It was weird because even seeing all the people in the row ahead order their drinks, I got a diet soda.
Because there really is no point. One drink is never enough for me.
In my head, when the opportunity to drink arises, a little voice in my head says "why bother?" because for me there are no benefits.