Trying a new thread in hopes of gleaning direction or experiences. I feel that I have accomplished quite a bit in addressing the whys of my ACOA issues in order to build a better me...I can sometimes count 1 thing as a lot btw.
So I have successfully fortified my walls to keep MY extended family out. Been operating pretty good, letting go of guilt, working on building an exceptional tool box to survive as an adult. I'm a 1000 miles away from anyone in MY family, on purpose, but now I make it clear vocally that I want no part. The past two weeks have been pretty tough however. I have 2 (local) completely out of control mothers in law (wife's) that have been jockeying for authority when it comes to our childrens rearing and their emotions. On top of that, my S/O has begun work through therapy, in possibly coming to terms with her own families dysfunction while this onslaught unfolds on both of us. Both MIL's refusing to come to birthday parties, both inappropriately telling our children to not cry or be sad when we take them to sleep overs. ALL of which has left me with feeling I need to help make it stop.
This now explains why our children's recent anxiety may have appeared and I admit, MY projection/impression does not help and flames the situation. I feel totally rocked in that I thought I had a new NORMAL foundation only to feel it sag in the middle. I feel completely reduced to square one, totally exposed in this moment. I'm right back to conflict, anxiety and most disturbing, rage. Anyway, it seems I may have been caught watching the paint dry in feeling I was done or that I had reached the proverbial other side of these supposed defects. One thing for sure, any amount of perceived emotional pain that is set upon my children and my Wife has very clearly brought me all the way back to, "WTF is my problem" and completely shot any feelings of empowerment I've picked up along this journey. Wow, what a wake up call.
Last part of my tangent. I know what I need to do and to say, I think but I'm struggling with the (possible) after effects. How could I possibly explain to my children why their grandparents who live a block away are not allowed to come over anymore? How can I bring myself to shut down, for good, the romantic desire to have a REAL family around us? So much easier by phone, isn't it?
Thanks for letting me vent and most importantly, to seek.
OGK
