Thank you for your response.
"It's a fair bet to assume that he won't stop doing cocaine, either. Basically, what he's telling you is he's going to do whatever he wants, and the impact it has on you and your two children doesn't matter to him."
Yeah, this is basically what it feels like he is telling me. But when I explain that to him he just says that I need to trust him and then when he spirals out of control I can then 'moan' about it.
The thing is when he was 'clean' for 6 weeks he was adamant that he was going to stop and take it one day at a time. He now thinks he is 'cured' and that going out once a month is no problem. I feel like I cannot argue back because I do feel like I am trying to control him and keep him locked up.
I don't go out anymore due to this situation. Partly because I hate alcohol now after everything that has happened and also because if I go out I feel like he uses it as an excuse to go on a 'mad one'. Tit for tat.