I was going to say there is nothing "wrong" with you, then I saw that Non had already said it. You are addicted and that's what is going on right now.
You need to learn to identify and separate from the voice, without the battle. As you can see, the battle is not sustainable. It is a learned skill, but it becomes effortless very shortly.
Glad you are back and not giving up. What is your plan for the Beast's next visit? Because there will be a next visit. Consistently identify and dismiss the AV and the visits become almost nonexistent.