Thanks for the lovely support , you guys. What would I do if I had never found SR? I hopestly think it has kept me sane, and I know it has helped me to find the courage to do the things I have put off for so long. I always knew it was going to be ugly, just did not know how ugly.
I calledmy therapist today, and asked her if I make the appt, or if he does. She said he needs to call. She is able to give the therapist a heads up, on the lies and schmoozing he will do. Of course, what transpires between them is confidential to them, but it is good that she will know that he abuses alcohol, has never been independent, and so forth.
I guess the fact that he has never been independent must hurt, and maybe that is why he tries so hard to deny the truth. I think he would implode if he had to believe the truth about his self. Can someone be so in denial, and protect their mode of survival so crazily and not be crazy? I am so worried that he may be much sicker than I think, and all this time I did not really think so. If he truly believed that he had been independent, I would be worried, but he just denies that he wasn't ever independent. I think he is ashamed, but too selfish to do the work to change things.
anyway. I called him, and told him he must call and make an appt before wednesday, or the internet is gone. He keeps acting like "why the heck are you bringing this up again"? or telling me I am crazy, that billions are unemployed and that he needs the internet to be able to get a job..etc
He was so nasty, it makes me physically ill. I did not engage. I have pretty much ignored all he has been doing to get me to argue. I guess he figures if he argues enough, he will get his way.. like he has done since childhood.
he called my daughter today, and she pretty much let him have her opinion and it was ugly between them. she worries for me, but i am pretty sure he is just being a bully. not a danger. but I watch, and I would not take for granted my safety.
other daughter is pretty much ready to send her cop hubby over and give him a good talking to. the heck with any hard feelings left over in the future. son will get over it. he is pretty forgiving, actually. and gets along with some who have had hard words for him, in the past.
oh well, he said he will :do this and get it f###ing over with, and then maybe I will stop harassing him. then it will be DONE. as he says.
Its only begun at that point. I think I will be pushing for him to get disability, maybe threaten to throw him out if he does not file for it, if he gets some sort of diagnosis which warrants it.
I really hope my son is not so very mentally ill, as he acts when he throws these tantrums. I hope its something that they can help him with.
I am gonna get into my jammies and read a book, for the rest of the evening. I am whooped!
love and hugs,
chicory