Divorce is final, relationship not
I haven't been on in a few months, figured it would be good for my own head to update and that I owe you all a bit for being a sounding board through my troubles.
My divorce was finalized in June, the agreement with all the legalese of splitting was finalized in April. Sometime mid-April, I let RAH back into my bed and subsequently back into my life.
Define RAH, hmm, hasn't drank since December, smokes weed habitually. My codependency struggles continue, I sometimes think I have further to go as far as growth and work with my mental health than an A. I also sometimes feel I have PTSD, and then feel guilty about both those last pity-party sentences since comparatively (to soldiers, others struggling with bigger heartache) my life is so good.
I never re-thought going through with the divorce, with his addiction issues, I am thankful that the legal world is out of my relationship. If he falls off whatever wagon he's on, I can more quickly get him to leave (even divorced, probably a 3-month eviction process), and hopefully gets me off the hook for financial repercussions of any future mis-behavior.
Ugh, tough to write all this. Especially when day by day, I feel much happier than during the divorce, minimal communication etc. Sleeping better, daughter is doing good, he is being a much better father. But there is of course so many unknowns, and so little control of things.
While still a struggle and some concerning traits (pot), this is overall my happy, life is good update.
Many well wishes to you all.