Hi solo welcome to SR. yes I can relate to some of what you have experienced and your post has brought back memories that I hadn't really thought about. My AH would come up behind me and put his arms round me then grab me wanting to be intimate if I said no he would take every opportunity over the next few days until I gave in then he would basically ignore me. If I tried to initiate intimacy he would reject me which left me feeling unattractive and lots of other feelings which I haven't processed yet as this wasn't something I had thought about!!
I like you was with my AH for 18 years before he walked out to drink when he wants 4 months ago he was all I ever knew I didn't know who I was without him what my future would be without him. My whole identity was wrapped up in being his wife and that scared me to suddenly be on my own. Slowly over the last few months I have began to work through my feelings of being on my own but also my feelings that I ignored while I was so focused on my AH. I have realised things that I never would have had I still been with him and I am growing stronger every day. One thing I love is that I no longer experience anxiety about his drinking because he's not here drinking, I don't have to worry if he will go on a binge, sneak out in the middle of the night or drink to the point of passing out or if he's in a bad mood tip toeing around him and the kids don't have to either. There is no longer shouting in my home at the kids for not doing what they're told. It's peaceful.
I understand your fears and anxieties do you have any family or friends you can talk to. I would also recommend finding a counsellor someone you can talk through all of your feelings and maybe help you prepare if you decide you want to leave.
Has your daughter spoken to you about how she feels about her dad and his drinking? Does your H drinking impact on her mental health? could you speak to her counsellor about the best was to help your daughter through this as best you can if you decide to leave.
I wish you peace