Hi Solo and Welcome!
Not sure if you have tried other meetings that may have a younger crowd? I attend Celebrate Recovery which is a lot the same but with more of a spiritual base. I would try to find a meeting for her to try to attend, it may help her a lot. Or possibly some group therapy would help for her?
My X was a lot the same as this. Pulled the same crap. I did not make any decisions until I knew what was right for me and my children. I did a couple of things to get myself there. I went to a counselor (actually a psychiatrist but he did not mess w/any of my medications, just counseled with me) that specializes in families with addiction. That helped me immensely. I also got my children into therapy. They are 14 and 8. That also helped them so very much. I also spoke with several attorneys that I was interested in to get my options, which was easier than I thought.
That also did a couple of things. One, free consult. Good to get your stuff in order. Two, it blocked the couple of attorneys I would not want XAH to use b/c it would have then been a conflict of interest. We ended up hammering out everything ourselves and my friend who is an attorney filed for both of us, but reps me. It saved us tons of money but it was like UN negotiations to get us there.
Good luck to you. Keep posting, you are not alone!