Hi. I understand your thoughts. I understand the "not being able to say it out loud".
I decided in my case to start working on me to figure out why. I have discovered I have major abandonment issues.
Try to work on you. Figure out why you cannot say the words. You may discover you aren't ready right now. People in my Alanon group tell me I will know when I am ready. I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get there. When you love someone, you love them. But how much are you willing to sacrifice for love?