Hi Solo, I'm glad you found SR.
I know it's hard to figure out what the right thing to do is when it comes to our children. You'd think it would be easier when they're older, but it isn't. It sounds like you're dealing with some tough issues there. Especially in regards to your daughter.
I have one teenage daughter, and she realized, long before I did, that her father wasn't going to miraculously get better. She was actually quite relieved when I told her that I had filed for divorce. It's not that her father was ever mean to her. It's just that she needed to see me move in a positive direction. Sometimes we underestimate how important it is for our children to see us, the healthy parent, taking care of ourselves.
I don't know if others will come along to share their experiences ,weekends can be slow, but I'm sure I've heard others mention "overly affectionate" husbands. You're definitely not alone when it comes to that.
I'm glad you're going to Alanon, that sort of support is priceless. Yensid makes a good point about Alateen. That could help your daughter (or other kids as well). If they're older teens they may even be able to go to regular Alanon meetings.
Again, glad you're here. Keep posting and reading. It really helps.