Anybody relate?
I have been reading posts here for a while but have not commented yet or made a post of my own so this is my first step into your community...
My AH is drinking daily and increasingly difficult at home. He is a truck driver and is respected and very well functional at work and outside the home. People are always telling me that I'm so lucky that he is so wonderful and sensitive....blah blah blah
Im always hearing from other wives that their husbands dont communicate or spend time with them but mine never stops talking and communicating his over the top feelings!! Basically he gets home from work and does not leave me alone...as he drinks more and more and becomes more and more inappropriate (he is always trying to 'show me love' by rubbing my shoulders which turns into him rubbing under my shirt etc...). This happens as I'm making dinner, trying to read or anything really...usually in front of our teenagers.
He is always telling me that I'm cold and im not affectionate to him and accusing me of having an affair which is the last thing i want!! I am just so sick of this...if i make a big deal of it and tell him to stop then it always starts a fight with him going on and on and i feel so guilty but i know I haven't done anything!!
My 18 yr old daughter has had some very serious mental health issues and has been hospitalized after several suiside attempts and im so afraid that if i make the wrong decision to leave or not leave that it will be worse for her...
I have been attending alanon for a few months and I really like the support there...although my AH always makes a big deal of me taking time away from our 'family time' to go to meetings and he thinks I go there to meet my 'boyfriend'....
I am terrified that I can't make it on my own if i leave him...we don't own our home and only have debts to split! I dont make as much as he does and we have a giant car payment and bills.....ugh
We have been married for almost 20 yrs (met him at 16 and had both kids before i was 20)....so its all i have really known. We have been through sooo much it feels like i am giving up but also feel like I don't know myself either...
I'm not sure what the point of this post is except to vent and wonder if any of you feel this way to?
Thanks for listening!!
Solo