I was afraid it would all crumble at the end. Because I knew myself and that I had no control over my drinking. No matter how many efforts, I always drank again and it did come crumbling down.
It took changing myself. I went to AA and even though I drank again, it was never the same.
There were others just like me who had solved their problem with drink.
I wanted to be like them.
It took a spiritual awakening and a lot of soul searching for me to realize I could never drink again. Not one drink. One day, one minute at a time. Those days added up and the world did not end. It's been three and a half years now, and I like myself. But I know in my heart if I ever take that first drink things will come crumbling down, so I take it day by day.