Hi ready2besober!
Congrats on deciding to quit! I can relate to your situation in so many ways.... Heavy drinking with your partner, drinking together from the beginning, enabling each other, drunken fighting, and living with someone who drinks every day while I'm quitting. It's so hard to watch other people drink and not have any. I get alcohol envy... Kind of like food envy lol. It's also frustrating dealing with someone whose rationality is impaired when yours is not anymore. Alcohol breath is a turnoff now that I actually notice it. And interestingly, now I can start to see where the fight would have begun, had I been drunk too.
You know that your husband might never quit. Maybe you could be a good influence on him but he has to want it for himself. If you keep trying to convince him, he will probably just want to drink that much more. So I would say just focus on YOU.
I've given up asking my partner to spend some sober time with me. All that I ask is that he not drink my favorite alcoholic beverages in the house. So he only drinks crappy beers that I hate and wouldn't want anyway. I'm strong enough not to be envious of those! Would something like that work for you?
Maybe you could distance yourself a little while as you recover? Spend more time with sober friends?
I've also noticed that my partner moderates better now that I'm sober. It's still not ideal and I know it won't change. It might not for you either... So it's important for people in our situation to set our priorities and think about whether we can live with an actively drinking alcoholic for the rest of our lives. It's a really tough decision.
I wish you the best!!