Mechuen,
I just want to say welcome! I am sorry for your painful situation. It sounds as if you are beginning to accept that your guy is who he is, and that if anything is going to change, it's gonna have to be of your doing. So, you are in a good place, to begin healing yourself.
I hope you will begin to get out, and perhaps find a meeting , and meet others who understand, and can help you to move forward.
I wish you the best. You have been through a lot, and I am sure it must have been tough. time for things to be happier for you, yes?
