I am unfortunately not in the early stages of alcoholism. I have been struggling with this for about 17 years. The worst part of that being in my twenties. I barely remember my college years, did more stupid things than I care to remember, embarrassed myself more times than one person should, lost friends, boyfriends, and alot of my self respect. I blacked out several times a week. Over the last 10 years my drinking got better. I had kids and had to be more responsible. It wasn't until a few years ago that I truly began to see the light. That while I had improved tremendously, drinking a bottle or more a night still wasnt good. I constantly worried about getting too drunk and then feeling guilty when I did. People who dont have a drinking problem dont have these thoughts. Ive been on a very slow and long process of realizing the problem, identifying the causes, and figuring out what I want my life to look like now. Now is all we are guaranteed. I've wasted too much precious time already. I am further along in my recovery than ever before but still have a lot of work to do. I don't know why I have been able to be functional and still drink all these years but I guess it's because I was too stubborn to give drinking everything I had. It took a lot but not everything. I refuse to let it. The same with smoking. I never smoked at work and only in front of certain people. Piece by piece I'm recreating my sober life. With each event I reclaim it encourages me to reclaim others. I no longer associate everything with drinking. I couldn't imagine ever going back to my old way of thinking. But I know better than to be arrogant about it. That's when I usually fail again. So I'm making better plans and reaching out for support because I can only get so far on my own. One thing that has truly helped me is becoming a Christ follower. I could never do this alone. Each day I pray for strength.