Well the good news is it sounds like you are early in the stages if you are an alcoholic from what you describe. The bad news is being early still leaves lots of room asking the "am I really" questions. If you have truly resolved the fact that "you cannot drink responsibly" ever again then you are well ahead of many that come on here.
I too wish there was a test we could take to tell you if you have crossed that line. I didn't know when I crossed it but I sailed right by a couple years ago. The spiral down for me happened swift and violently. There are all sorts of stops on the elevator written about in posts here. I just hope you are able to get off well before I or some others did.
I am in AA and practice the 12 steps. But I also explored RR and the AVRT method, some of which I use today. There are other programs such as Lifering, Women for Sobriety, and non secular approaches to the 12 step programs.
I joined a monthly user group on SR and found it to be inspiring. Mainly because it creates accountability and highlights we are not unique and others bonded by just a sober month experience very similar thoughts and things through this process.
If you are alcoholic normal drinking will never return. While this remains the fantasy of every alcoholic many chase this to our death bed.
Your user name suggests your brave or self identify with this - add courage, honesty, and openness and I think you going to be fine.
Good luck.