I never had a reliable "off button" from the get go. I first went to AA in my 20's because I couldn't figure out why when I did drink, it was so often a ridiculous mess. I may have not met all the "alcoholic" criteria...which in of itself caused all sorts of procrastination and am I or aren't problems.
I wish I had realized how "important" that no reliable off button was. I will never have it..no matter how hard I try. That is something I need to radically accept more than ANYTHING.